Friends and family.
We wanted to update you on all that is happening here. While, as you can imagine, this has been extremely painful and tragic, as is in God’s style, He has embraced us with the love of those who are around us, and has shown His face in and through every moment. Renee went in for a C section last night at about 9:30, and they removed Titus. We then got to spend some time with him and take some pictures. We of course wept, felt fully the weight of it, but ultimately were able to hand him over completely to the Lord in the end. It was a beautiful time, though so painful. I continue to be amazed at this dichotomy in our faith between sorrow and joy and how often one does not exist without the other. How can we hurt so deeply and yet feel joy? God period. You know? You do.
We found out what caused this, which we are grateful for. As many of you know, Renee has had 3 miscarriages before this pregnancy. That was due to a birth defect which caused her uterus to have a septum down the middle, so a baby could not fully grow in there. She had an extremely rare surgery and had that septum removed. There are so few cases of this that they really had no idea how things would go, but they had every reason to believe things would be fine. As it turns out, the very top of the uterus had thinned out as a result of the surgery, and as Titus got bigger, and as contractions got harder, the top burst, and most likely water released, and his cord may have gone out of the uterus and cut off his blood supply. He most likely passed instantly and painlessly. We are deeply grateful for the fact that under no circumstances is there anything we or anyone else could have done differently to have foreseen or prevented this. This affirms us in our steadfast belief in the complete sovereign hand of the Lord. He knew the number of days Titus would live, He chose that. In His goodness, He allowed us to be his mom and dad for these 9 months, what a blessing! Rejoice! Rejoice! the Lord is good and His mercy endures forever. We are finding rest in Psalm 23. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want….He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters…”
We are so grateful for your prayers and your thoughts towards us. We have felt them. We are increasingly in a better place emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We are walking forward one step at a time. Renee’s recovery has been swift so far. I only went into shock and threw up once, but never passed out =]. We are anxious to receive your love and have you share our sorrow. We are working through and processing timing on when to have a service and when to start receiving communication from you. I know it must be hard not to express what God is speaking to you on our behalf. If it is ok, we would like you to just be able to email or comment on this blog for now. That would be amazing. In time, phone calls, and meetings, and visits will be appropriate, but probably not until after we do the service. We will keep updating this blog so you can follow what is happening.
Pray specifically for what it will mean for us to return home. That is very scary and will bring some intense reality and felt loss. Pray that word will get out and everyone will hear about this so that questions to us will be at a minimum. Pray that people would be wise in their words to us, and that they would mostly silently and quietly express their love.
We are supposed to leave the hospital either Friday or Saturday. We have everything we need, close friends and family have not left our side. People of the element, my beloved, my community, my family, SING! WORSHIP! glorify His name tomorrow night. Our hearts will be there with you, standing there, being led in worship by you as we are each week. We long for you and will see you soon.
Highlands, our church, our body, we love you, and thank you for all you are doing. Jason Fritz came today and shared all of the calls and emails and times of prayer, we wept with gratitude and joy. We want this to change us all as a community and have a profound impact on us all. There is such redemption in that.
We will continue to update this blog, feel free to comment and email if you would like, or even text message myself or Renee.
We love you
C.J. and Renee.
Thank you so much for your relentless faith, C.J. I’m certain that many people, myself included, wouldn’t be the same without you and Renee. You both have been the best example to my community and I can’t thank you enough for being there for me every single day. I love you and I love that you’re willing to do God’s work in the face of heartache. You’re the real deal, C.J. I’m so sorry for your loss.
We Love you guys. We’d love to help in anyway possible.
We have told Titus’ story to our church. Everyone has been deeply moved and encouraged by yours and Renee’s faith in Jesus.
we love you.
My heart, love, and prayers are with you.
-Erica
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We know that God has a great new angel to help spread the Word. We respect your wishes for privacy and just know that we love you guys! God bless you and your family.
I cannot express the pain I feel for you two and how grateful our family is for your statement of faith in the midst of pain in your email yesterday. Your concern for the lost as you were losing is proof of God’s work in your lives. I have been praying Psalm 42 for you. Other than the part about the enemies
it seems to fit well. Know that you are being constantly brought to the foot of Jesus by our entire family. In addition, so many people have expressed to us that they want to show you support when you are able to receive it. Us too. We love you.
Vicki and Jim
I can not express in words how much you two have impacted my life through your faith in God. This is a difficult time for all of us, but in the end I know God will be glorified. Know that I am praying for you.
I love you guys.
CJ and Renee. I just wanted to say thank you for always being a light in the church and so openly sharing your faith with everyone around you. You both were there for me when I needed you, just like you have been for so many others. Words cannot express my sorrow for you right now.At the same time, I am rejoicing that little Titus is in heaven with his Lord, worshiping and being loved. I can remember you, CJ, telling me those words when I needed to hear them and it is so inspiring to see you saying them again now. Renee, I just want you to know that my family and I are praying for you constantly. You provided such comfort to me and I pray for comfort and peace for you now.
We love you guys.
C.J. and Renee, the only words I wish for you are the Words of the Lord, for I would stumble if I attempted to articulate a love only He can give.
“Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall!
My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.’
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone in silence when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust-there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes, and let him be filled with insults.
For the Lord will not cast off forever,
but, though He cause grief, He will have compassion according to the abundance of His steadfast love;
for He does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.”
-Lamentations 3:19-33
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 is another passage that comes to my heart.
I love you both, you are a joy to us all and a challenge to us, as we are children and young men.
I love you both so very much, and my heart is broken over your loss. Thank you for sharing this experience so openly. It truly is glorifying to see you both persevere and praise him. Thank you a million times over for your love, not only for me but for the multitude of others you’ve walked alongside during the valleys. It is our turn. I speak for us all when I say we couldn’t be more honored.
Both of you have constantly been in my thoughts and prayers. David is right. You guys have been the best example to the Element community. I think i speak for the entire Element community when i say that your guys’ faith in the Lord is extremely encouraging. I love you both and can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Know that we are praying for God’s supernatural peace over you, Renee and all those involved…and yes, we are even praying for a sense of Joy during this painful time. I appreciate so much your uplifting words and your maturity. God’s plans are great and I sense you already know that he has much in store for you…
Brock and Adrianne
CJ & Renee,
We may not be there in body, but we are there in spirit. You are certainly in our thoughts and prayers. We love you both! Psalms 23 is what came to my mind as well. We are so very proud of the Godly man you have become. Give that sweet Renee a big hug from us, and of course, you as well.
All our love,
Una & Jerry
I am awed … seeing Christ through you and Renee. Thank you for your letter, you are like a modern day Paul writing to your church. With prayers, praise and love, Mario & Susan xoxox
C & Renee,
Our hearts are rejoicing in every word you post. We are so proud of God-in-you, our hope of GLORY! While we miss the opportunity to kiss the sweet cheeks of your little Titus, we know one day we will…no doubt nestled in the arms of his Jesus, as we enter his eternal home for a visit. While we weep with you over your loss, we are simply reminded that some of David’s sweetest songs came from his deepest anguish. Can’t wait to hear the songs that come through this journey!
Much, much love…B & P
Know that we have not stopped praying for you during your loss of Titus. We do not know what you must be feeling, but we do know that we will be prayer warriors for you guys as we fall to our knees and pray unceasingly for you guys and for your return back to your condo. Paul would remind Timothy to hang in there and keep the end in mind despite all of your suffering. In 2 Timothy 2:1-3 Paul would say,” You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. In our process of discipleship we must keep going despite suffering because we keep the end in mind (1 Cor. 3:13).
We Love You Guys
In Christ
Marc and Tammy Lucas
We can’t help but think of the Hymn “It is Well With My Soul.” The sorrow overwhelms us, but The Comforter overwhelms the sorrow.
Truett and Sherri Forrest
Cj and Renee thank you for your example and commitment to the Lord. The works of the Lord truly shine through your words and lives. We are praying for you and know that you are in our thoughts. We are so blessed to have your friendship. Know that we will be there in any way possible for you. We love you!
Brian and Juliette
Ashley and I’s heartfelt prayers for you two. We love you as siblings in Christ Jesus.
You do not know me but I am a friend of Dawn Gregg and Cate Johnson and I wanted to tell you I am praying for you.
Love you both-praying for you both.
Gosh. I don’t have any words you guys. When your email came flickering across my computer it was as if a earthquake set off in my heart. I couldn’t help but shake and weep.
These past few years have been wonderful getting to know each of you while the Lord has intersected our respective ministries and lives. We’ve been able to share in each others God stories on numerous accounts. I’ve been honored to be a part of yours.
Knowing you two well enough, I’m hard pressed to think of a couple of parents who would have loved little Titus more than you and Renee. Perhaps that is why God placed him into your care for these past nine months. Knowing that Titus only had a small window in which to receive all the love in the world.
CJ, your words these past couple of days have instilled courage, bravery, and compassion inside of me. And you have only shown all of us who are watching your journey unfold what it means to be an amazing father, a loving husband, and a leader in relentless pursuit of a God who never fails.
If your only hope in this fragile and dark moment is that the glory of God would come crashing in….be encouraged. It is.
Jess and I love you, Renee, and Titus SO much. We will do anything and everything you need to support you. The people of Cornerstone, Superstition Springs, SBC, even churches in other states know of your story and are in prayer for you guys.
Looking forward to seeing you both again when the time is right…
I have prayed about what God would have me share with you from my heart …Romans 8:28 kept ringing in my ears: We know that ALL things work together for the good of those who love God- those whom He has called according to His plan. It is more then evident that you and Renee have a deep love for God…He is already receiving glory through your suffering. We want you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. You are special to us, but even more special to God. I respect the man of God that you have become CJ. May you both feel His comfort and peace in the many days ahead. We respect your wishes of privacy, just know that we love you and that we are grieving with you. May God bless you today, and always. Send my love to Renee as well! ;o)
Blessings, Jennifer Schluer-Ender & family
We love you and are thankful for your trust in and love for Jesus
Thank you so much for your amazing example of faith through deep suffering. It is truly God. You have been a witness and testament of the peace of Christ that surpasses all understanding. I am mourning deeply for your loss and pray that you feel that peace now. I want you to know that your email was so moving, and such a powerful expression of TRUE faith and trust in God, that I was compelled to share it with a close group of believers and non-believers in my life. I pray that your story… Titus’ story… God’s story… will be lifted up in this and others will come to Christ from your amazing example. I already see the domino effect of your faith spreading through our community. We are all grieving deeply with you. Much, much love and prayer.
CJ and Renee, we just want you to know we are praying for you, and just so pray God’s continued strength over you, and so rejoice that your Titus is touching so many lives for God’s glory!! There is no greater honor or purpose. Your lives of steadfast love and giving all for Jesus Name, are truly a witness of God’s love. This journey we do not understand; why the trials; but God does, and He is always working through them. We lift you up to the One who understands all, and who wants cover you with His peace. God’s covering of comfort all over you,
Mike and Denise
C.J. and Renee’, We love you both so much and are praying for you! As many have said, you have been an example to us all. We wish we were there to give you a hug and weep alongside you, but know that you are in our hearts and prayers even though we are far away. We know that God will use Titus’ short life to impact His kingdom greatly. We love you!
Love,
Beth (and Josh)
I am praying for you!!
We love you guys more than words could express. Thank you for your selfless sacrifice. Your faith & relentless passion to honor God and God alone is so evident in all you do!
With our heart,
Rosie & Danny
My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you during this hard time. Your continual faith and love for the Lord even when a time as this can be confusing, is very inspiring. You have an entire family at the Element that loves you both so very much, stay strong in Him!
CJ & Renee,
Jason and I have been continuously praying for you both… There are no words to help, but we love you both tremendously and are here if we can do anything for you at all. We love you and will not stop praying and thinking of you both.
We love you…
Jessica & Jason Williams
NCC loves you guys and we’re praying for you…let us know if we can do anything…
CJ and Renee,
Our words seem so shallow and cannot really comfort the deep pain in your hearts from the loss of Titus, but I trust that God will bring you comfort, peace and rest when you really need it. Please know that we are thinking about you and praying for you and that tears are in my eyes as I write this. We all feel a small piece of your pain and want to help you carry this burden, so please don’t be afraid to ask for any help that you might need right now because it is our way of sharing your pain. If it would help to meet and talk, we would love that (480.734.3656).
The second verse of the hymn Solid Rock goes through my mind for you right now:
When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale, My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.
God, please be with CJ and Renee right now. Bear their burden for them, Lord.
Our tears and prayers are with you,
Tony and Stacey
P.S. Tony wanted me to tell you to please call him anytime day or night if he can help.
Our prayers are with you.
We Love you guys.
renee and cj – what a testimony to your faith to our Lord Jesus. how the Lord is using you all as a vessel to share His glory with those you don’t even know. you will be faithfully prayed for from the allison home these next few weeks. We grieve with you, thank you for sharing in your trials and how God is using you. What a role model to follow.
I just want to reiterate what everyone else has already said. You two are such an inspiration to me and you have shown through action what it means to really worship God, and I’m so humbled and amazed by both of you. CJ, you have impacted my life so much and helped me progress to where I am today. I love you and your heart for people and I pray that you and Renee are constantly comforted by and reminded of the love others have for you and the impact you’ve made on their lives.
CJ and Renee- I cannot express enough how blessed I am by you two. I am overwhelmed by your faith in the Lord through trials like this. My heart is broken for you guys and I am in constant prayer. I love you both!
Renee and CJ – i feel so far away right now.. but know that i am right there with you in continual prayer and love. my heart is hurting greatly for you and at the same time rejoicing that you (and Titus) are embraced by our Awesome God.
You dont know me, because i have only been to the Element a few times. I have not had the privileged to get to know either of you personally , but have been able to see the love that so many people have for you and renee. You are the kind of people that people are naturally drawn to and have this longing to get to know. It is truly refreshing to see someone trusting in the Lord completely with their life, I thank you for impacting my life, even though you don’t know you have. God has an amazing plan for both of you and your future. You’re in my prayers.
Renee,
You really blessed the families of Neighborhood Ministries last spring through your kindness and your gift of photography. We are so sorry to hear of your loss. We share your grief. You and your family are in our hearts and prayers.
With love from your friends at Neighborhood Ministries,
Chris Somers
CJ and Renee,
I just found out from some of the gang from Element… I’m praying for you guys and love you both. Thank you for your passion for the Lord even in times like these; y’all continue to impact my life even with the distance i between.
His,
Laura
I hope the joy supercedes the pain tenfold – I have tried to imagine what you are going through, but haven’t even come close. It is evident that both you and Renee have grown closer to each other and the Lord from this experience.
Your faith is so strong CJ, I feel as if it’s naturally overflowing on to me. Thank you…for mentoring me all these years, in both music and my faith.
I don’t know what else to say. I just hope God brings a peace and a calm upon your family like no other. And I hope to see you soon. =)
Carl and I love you so much…we grieve and rejoice alongside you.
C and Renee,
Man, I love you two! I can’t imagine what you are feeling, but I just want you two to know that your thoughts and words have been such an encouragement even to me during a time that has been also dark. Thank you! Something that has helped me recently are words from Corrie TenBoom, “There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still!” Thank the Lord we have Him to rest in – how others who are not believers suffer without Christ, I will never know. My thoughts, prayers and tears are with you.
Always,
Mandy
We don’t know you guys well (we go to Highlands and have numerous common friends…you know David and Heidi Anderson- my brother in law and his wife) but I just feel so compelled to write to you and tell you that I find your strength and trust in the Almighty God to be so incredibly powerful right now. I work in the NICU and see many suffering families- but reading and hearing your story just immediently brought me to my knees in tears. I don’t have anything to offer but my prayers. Know that my husband and I have been thinking of you daily.
The Lord is using you in amazing ways. I bet He is up there thinking, “Well done my good and faithful servents”.
ANYTHING you need- we are here.
In Him,
Bri & John
You have been heavy on our hearts and in our prayers constantly, and we are blessed to have crossed paths with you. What we do know of your journey thus far is that God has continually taken tragedy and turned it into something beautiful, and we know that He will be faithful to do so in this season as well….
love, Lee and Melissa Stephenson (Harvest)
C.J., you have always held a special place in my heart. Your light shone from the moment I met you and later when I met Renee, I saw the intensity of that light get brighter still. And now at a time when tragedy should dim that light or even snuff it out, you come thru with a faith that is so amazingly strong! Your light continues to shine thru the storm…you and Renee are beacons of faith and that is such a special gift from God.
I can only imagine that the two of you passed your light onto Titus and as he now lives with the Lord in Heaven, he may just be that special child who leads the choir of angels in “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!”
May you continue to feel God’s strength, protection and comfort in the days ahead and may your light continue to shine knowing God is carrying you thru.
Please know that I will continue to pray for all three of you.
Pam Lindgren
Holy cow. I can’t get over how amazing you both are. I have gone through crap, but nothing like you two are experiencing. I wish I could say I handled those hard times the way you are, but I did not. You two are truly and inspiration and to steal something from someone else, you have raised the bar. You have given us all an earthly example of incredible faith. I have no idea what it’s like to be in your position, but I hope that I will be able to, someday, have the faith you both do and be someone others can look toward for help in crappy times. God is so obvious in your life, it’s absurd. Keep on being amazing in every way possible. I love you both
we hurt for you and cry for you. you are in our prayers… May you feel our Lord Jesus very very close to you.
“Blessed be the name of the Lord.” You guys are on my heart and in my prayers. Please hug Renee for me.
“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope…” ~ 2 Corinthians 1:8b-10
praying for you…
Renee,
I have no words. I know that in a time of loss none but yourselves fully feel the weight of it all. I just want you to know you and your family have been constant in my thoughts and prayers. Your enduring faith through this has left a profound impact on me, it is so incredibly inspiring.
With love, Nicole Kluve
i love you both. you continue to amaze me. i just want to be able to hug my buddy and cry with you.
Your faith through this is an inspiration to me! I love you both so much and you are on my mind and heart constantly. There are just no words to really express what my feelings are right now, only to know that we serve a big God. I’m thankful that you know that too. I love you!!!
CJ and Renee,
We love you and are encouraged by your relentless love and faith in Jesus Christ.
My wife April and I are praying for you two through this time. How you have shown the grace and sovereignty of our loving God through this hard, hard time. Our God loves you two more than you’ll ever know.
CJ and Renee
Praying for you.
Bob Marvel
Our daughter Diane Harvey, shared your news with us and we are praying in Florida! We sorrow with you and rejoice that you sense the presence of God’s strength. Thank you for your transparency.
Pete & Phyllis Portanova
Renee and C.J.– I have no words to say except that I love you and will be praying for you.
CJ and Renee,
Our tears and love have been with you from the moment we talked with your Mom. We will continue to keep you in our thoughts and prayers although we can see already that you have been touched by an angel by being the parents of Titus. Your faith in God is amazing and the influence you have had on others is truly a gift from God. Take care of yourselves and know that we love you all and are available for anything you may need today or in any of the tomorrows. Love from The Johnson family
CJ and Renee,
We love you guys and our hearts ache for you. We visited Lauren today and asked her to welcome Titus. Please let us know if we can help in any way at all.
CJ and Renee,
I recieved an email from Meredith last night that led me to your website, my heart truly breaks for you both. Your strength in the Lord amazes and inspires me; it always has. My thoughts and prayers are with you both!
All my love!
Nicole
CJ and Renee’,
Sam and I are praying for you multiple times a day. Our hearts are broken for you and with you. We love you.
Brenda Paschall
In the midst of your pain you continue to lead in faith and a pure heart for the Lord. I know that as you speak and as you lead, Renee stands by your side with what you say.. God is so good in that he honors you as a husband trusting him and I believe for Renee’s grace.
I am floored as I am so far away and am able to use this part of God’s story in your lives as an opportunity to speak with my family more in depth about the Lord as well as enlightening them with the example of your love for Christ as they have experienced much loss in recent time as well as the multiple miscarriages earlier in their marriage. While I don’t understand how, I look up to you two and am ever grateful for your fever for the Lord.
Thank you for letting your loss be our gain.
You are in our prayers. Your faith has touched the hearts of some of our unbelieving family members. God will carry you through this!
I cannot even fathom the depths of your pain. Know that you are loved and being held up by an incredible amount of brothers and sisters in Christ. You know CJ, when you told me you wanted your son to have a strong name…you could not have been more right. Titus is waiting for us all. He came from incredibly strong parents and God is using him in a mighty way. May you actually feel the palm of His hand holding you up.
~andrea mullins
we love you guys.
if there is ever anything we can do-other than the prayers- PLEASE let us know. You both are incredible
You, Renee, and Titus are in our thoughts and prayers. Our hearts ache over your loss, but have joy in knowing that Titus is with Jesus. We love you both very much and are encouraged by the strength of your faith. You and Renee have such a large impact in the Element Community. Thank you for allowing us to walk alongside you through this process.
-Christine & Peter
Dear brother & sister in Christ,
We have never had the privledge of meeting but I was directed to your blog by a dear friend, Erin Mcfarland. It saddens my heart beyond belief to read your story, yet I stand in awe of the faith that you are so strongly clinging to. I only pray that if the Lord ever put me in a trial so difficult, that I would be able to stand so firmly on my trust in a bigger plan. Just 2 weeks ago, a dear friend experienced a similar situation and I find myself frustrated at this enormous grief. As you have shown, God brings us thru these trials only in His strength and I pray that Titus’ story will continue to reach millions for the glory of His kingdom! Thank you for sharing and know that you will be prayed for. In Him…
C.J. and Renee, I’m so sorry to learn of your loss. It’s hard to comprehend such pain and joy at the same time. My thoughts are with you both.
The March of Dimes has created a Bereavement Kit for families who have suffered a loss. It contains fact sheets on reasons for loss and booklets that deal with the issues From Hurt to Healing; What Do You Say?; Resources, etc. You can read about it at this link: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572.asp. If you would like to have one of these helpful and free kits, please send an email requesting it to the following address: bkit@marchofdimes.com. We will gladly mail one to you.
Oh dear unknown FRIENDS – I am so very sorry. Mary Blakeman sent out a plea for prayer and I was on this for a reason… your precious Titus is alongside my Maggie with our loving Father. I too had a septate uterus. My heart knows there is nothing to say except I’m sorry. I know about the raw and empty hole. I know about the joy and beauty in something so tragic. I know it’s a ride. I so admire the depth of your strength and faith that I lacked at the time. It wasn’t until I remembered the mustard seed that I began to move my “mountains” again. Now I can stand atop a mountain and declare His unwavering and steadfast love! For comfort: I loved what our minister expressed: that “there is a piece of my husband and myself in heaven already.” My prayers for healing in the days ahead.
Dear C.J. and Renee,
I too, was notified by Mary Blakeman about what has happened. I will do the only thing I know to do, which is to pray for strength and comfort for you and your family as you begin this journey of healing.
In Christ,
Jean