…adopt…*updated*

*In answer to some, you more than have our permission to post our situation and need anywhere you like, blog, facebook, etc…Thank you for asking!

Well friends, we hope you are well.  We have quietly been praying and working through what it might mean for us to adopt a child. Seeking counsel, going before the Lord, being in His word. In short, over the past few weeks, there have been 3 situations that have come our way, all potential opportunities for us to move forward in this process.

If you can’t wait until the end, I recommend scrolling down and reading the details first and then coming back here. I want to continue in the spirit of this blog and invite you all into the story of how all of this is unfolding.

Renee’ and I have had our share of fears about the idea of adopting. We are not looking for a way to ‘medicate’ or ‘fix’ the loss of Titus, or to hide it in something that sounds really good like ‘adoption’. When people experience loss on the level that we have, you will pretty much do anything you can think of to feel even a little bit better. Because of the amazing network we have around us, a top level trauma and loss counselor, several intimate friendships with people who are in full time ministry, and countless of our own experiences with people who have suffered, we are not ignorant or naive to this fact.

I can only describe this season of sheer pain, weariness, and much misery, by saying that there is a sense deep in our beings that there is no solution to this problem that is inside our control. There is nothing by our own will, our own power, that will make things right. I can definitely see how people will at least give this a shot when they are in turmoil. Often times you think, ‘well I can’t fix anything, but I can certainly try to forget it’. Alcohol, drugs, and other addictions seem pretty appealing when all you want to do is crawl inside a hole and never return. But for us, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we cannot make this thing different, alone. Choosing to become addicted to some fantasy about how everything will be okay once we have a baby in our arms is just as dangerous and detrimental as any of those other drugs.

It is important to me that the people in our lives, and the people that are reading this blog know that we are not living in any kind of fantasy. We are very aware that bringing home another child, will not make us feel better about not having Titus. Not having Titus is horrible, and will continue that way for the rest of our time here. Jesus, on the other hand, does have a great deal of control. Actually He has all of it. And it has been incredible to experience what it is like to literally see Him walking beside us, carrying us, pulling us out of dark places, leading us into seemingly dark places where only His light can be seen. Some of you have apologetically admitted that you are jealous of the kind of work that is being done in our lives, though it came at such a great price. I can’t really blame you. There is something beautiful about the way Jesus extends His mercy where it is most needed. We have experienced more love and support in our lives as a result of all of this than most people will experience in their lifetime. So we hold in one hand the joy that comes from that and in the other, the complete desire to have it be any other way.

Adoption was a topic that came up when Renee’ and I were dating. She has always said, ’someday I believe we are going to adopt overseas’. Early in our marriage I was still working through that and not nearly as open to it as she was. For those of you who do not know the full story with us, we had our first miscarriage in our first year of marriage in 2003. We then had 2 more miscarriages in the few years following. After 3 miscarriages, we knew there was something that wasn’t right with Renee’s body. There was a time when we didn’t know for sure if carrying our own kids was going to be an option. This was a difficult time for us, but in it we began talking more about adoption. We both have felt strongly called to being parents from the beginning, but never knew that it would be such an intense journey for us. Renee’ had a pretty rare surgery done to give us the chance to carry, and a few months later we got pregnant with Titus. Titus is such a story in himself of God’s redemption and provision. He was an amazing blessing and gift to us, and is the answer to many months of wondering and pleading with God over being able to bear children. Our plan was to give birth to 2, and then pray about adopting 1 or 2 more, and potentially doing so overseas. Renee’ specifically had always pictured adopting from Africa.

All of that to say, the idea of adoption has been in our hearts for quite some time. At this point in our journey, it is very up in the air as to whether Renee’ will ever be able to carry a child again. We beg and plead and pray that this might be able to happen, as it is the desire of our hearts. But the reality is, her uterus is extremely damaged, and we have to go through another extremely rare, extremely difficult surgery, with a year long recovery time. So the reality is, 6 months from now she could have surgery, then wait a year, then wait to get pregnant, and while pregnant, worry the entire time about fluid leaking from the uterus and causing us to lose another child. Pretty scary. At the moment, we both are feeling led that God would ask us to trust in Him in that and actually try it, even though it sounds a little crazy. We are getting multiple professional opinions on all of that, and will make a wise and informed decision when the time comes.

In the meantime, adoption is all we got baby. Interesting how God makes Himself clear. It’s basically as simple as this. We feel led to be parents. Some people give their children up for adoption. The reality is that adopting today or a year from now is pretty much the same thing, emotionally and Spiritually. Again, it doesn’t subtract pain, and we don’t need to subtract pain, Jesus rarely takes our pain away, He just changes it to bring Him glory, which in turn brings about our good. So we see adoption as the ‘addition’ of a joy, not the ’subtraction’ of the pain of loss. There are all kinds of additions that continue to be added unto us as we walk humbly forward, but this one is the most exciting, and most redemptive. So whether we adopt now or 5 years from now, there are all kinds of things we have to address and work through, and I am very grateful that we have the people, the body of Christ, to walk that journey with us. It will take tremendous faith, it will be difficult, and we will make mistakes, and need to grow in and through the entire thing. Having another child will bring up all kinds of emotions that are in us about losing Titus. We will have to deal with and address the realities of Titus being our first born and this one being our second born, but is kind of a first born as well. Attachment issues, difference in race, etc…

When we started the adoption process we discovered very quickly how great the need is right here in the U.S. to adopt African American children, specifically males. This became heavy on our hearts, and we also hope it will be a smoother and easier process to adopt our first in the states. In the future, we are very open to wherever God might lead us to adopt.

So, up until this past week, all of our adoption paperwork has been in process with the state. We just got the final approval, so we are certified to adopt at this point. Just before we got the final approval, our consulting company (Christian) called us because there was a situation that they felt like God brought our names to their mind about. It was through an agency that they have never worked with in the past. That situation quickly became clear that it was not what God had for us, but that same agency called us back later that day to tell us about another situation. That one is still a possibility, but a third has just come to us yesterday from another agency. This situation seems like it could be an amazing possibility, and the reason I write is that it is coming up very quickly. Like, super quick. We are just waiting on the Lord in all of this, but in any case, God is certainly moving, and we are feeling led to start preparing ourselves for what this will look like if it is in fact coming right now.

We don’t want to be specific about where the adoption is located, and exactly when the baby is due, but, essentially, we are being presented to the birth mother tomorrow (Monday), and if she accepts us, we are going to need to put together the finances for this within this week. Crazy, crazy, crazy. We are SO pumped! God is so good, and we are so grateful that we are even getting this opportunity, and that it has come so soon.

The costs are as follows.

$16,000.00 in adoption fees.
$8,000.00 in medical fees.
$1,000.00 in legal fees.
approximately $2,000.00 in travel (flight, hotel, food, car for between 10 and 14 days)

So, around $27,000.00 to bring our son home. We have $3,500.00 right now, all what is left over after paying for our consulting and home study from what people gave when we lost Titus. We have a long way to go, in a short time, but God is faithful, and we are waiting on Him in this.

We need your prayers, and we need money =]. We trust that God will make this happen if it is what He wants.

If you feel led to give, you may do so by mailing a check to:

C.J. and Renee’ Bergmen
1616 W. Germann Rd. #2116
Chandler, AZ 85286

or by clicking this donate link, which goes into our paypal account.

We hope this is our son, if not, our son is out there, and we anxiously await his home coming. We believe he will be home soon. If this situation does not come about, the other one is still on the table, and that one is not too far from now either.

Our new son’s name will be

Keane Malachi Bergmen.
Keane is Irish, and means “fighter”, that’s right sucka, and
Malachi means “messenger of God”, and is also the name of a 12th century Irish Saint.

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23)

C,R and K